June 21, 2021

Cries. Pain. Rants. Suicide cases. Murders.

Is this how the world ends? Is this what people deserve?

“You can’t continue studying anymore.”

I would never have thought that only five words would crush my hope to escape from the cruelty of this world. I cried all day not wanting to do anything besides that. I didn’t want to eat nor talk to anyone even my mom. I lost my only key to my plans. I lost myself.

Scenarios came running inside my mind. I fought hard to stop myself from doing what my mind was saying. I kept telling myself that I can surpass these problems. One day, out of the lack of energy to go out of the four corners of my room, I scrolled through my social media.

“Wait, so you’ll create an account to show your talent?” my friend asked after I told her what I was planning.

“Yes. I’m not expecting a lot but it’s the fastest growing app! I can distract myself with this.” And so I did. I happily made videos anonymously to vent out my frustrations and to show the world my talent in writing. I kept writing and posting everyday. I was finally distracted with my thoughts and almost forgot what I was going through.

A follower became ten. Ten became a hundred. And a hundred became thousands. I was happy with my little success until one follower messaged me.

“Can I talk to you for a few minutes? I just really don’t know who to approach and this pandemic drains me. Please reply. I need someone right now.”

I stared at the screen, the message particularly, for a long time. I didn’t know what to do. What if I choose the wrong words to say? What if I can’t relate to what they were saying? What if they don’t like my way of expressing myself?

But my willingness to help the stranger was stronger than my nervousness. Fortunately, the same thing happened to me. I told them my insights and my experience in that same problem. I didn’t mean to compare because I believe that people are different and unique but I wanted to encourage. It was my way of telling the stranger that they’ll be able to overcome it too. Just like I did.

“Thanks for listening and giving me advice. I feel lighter now because of you”.

I didn’t know what to feel. All my life I was… a nobody. I was useless to people. I always made things worse.

I kept asking myself. Is this my purpose in life? Will I be able to do this? Am I starting to have my worth?

I did what my guts said. I became an ally to everybody. I became a listener, a savior, and hope. All of this I did to make people safe. So that they won’t be able to have the struggle of being alone. I didn’t want them to feel what I felt when nobody was there for me.

17 years old 

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